I don't know how to say it so, I wrote it down. It might be cliché, but it's me trying.. 

Dear My Beloved Friend,

I’ve been sitting with a lot of thoughts lately, and I just want to be honest, quietly, without pressure, and from the heart.

Something between us has felt different, and maybe you’ve felt it too. Or maybe it’s just me. I’m not sure. I don’t fully understand what changed, and I won’t pretend I have all the right words. I just know that I’ve truly valued the moments we’ve shared, your trust, your stories, your presence. They all meant something to me.

If there’s anything I said or did that ever made you feel uncomfortable or judged, I’m truly sorry. That was never my intention. I care.. and maybe I showed it in the wrong way… or maybe just at the wrong time. Plus, I admit I’m a bit of a joker deep inside.

I also know you might be going through a lot right now, and I believe that’s true. I sincerely hope you’re finding small moments of peace and strength for yourself. I know you’re strong.

I’m not writing this to ask for anything or make things heavier.. no expectations, no answers needed. I just wanted to express how I feel, and to let you know that I care. I’ll respect whatever space you need.

I don’t want to be another pressure in your life. But I want you to know, if you ever need me, whenever, whether now, later, or even just in thought.. I’m still here, and I always will be.

Thank you for the sweet moments. Especially when you called me your new BFF, I smiled from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat. That meant a lot.

I hope this isn’t a goodbye, just the beginning of something new.

I’ll be okay. And I hope you will too.

Your dearest weird friend,

What is emotion...

Why is emotion very complicated... 

How does emotion works... 

When will emotion strike.. 

Who can control the emotion.. 

All the questions above has diff answers by diff people. For me, emotion is feeling that you can feel and recognise by ur brain. Emotion is complicated because there a lot of emotion. And this emotion can merge and become another emotion. It works when someone has been triggered by certain things which can lead for the person to feel the emotion. The thing that triggered can be from any event in the past, present or the future. And this emotion will strike when it's been suppress for quite sometimes. Just like volcano. But, if has been trained and managed properly, it won't explode as the volcano. Last question is about, who... Not many people can control the emotion, especially the babies, youngster.. For adult, some can and some cannot control their emotion. The issues come when the emotion is out of control. It can be over sad, over anger, over etc. etc. I'm not sure what else. 

And me, sometimes I failed to control and it overwhelmed my brain. As for now, my brain is overwhelming with the issues at the office today. And the question like 'did I upset her with my sentences' 'why did she act differently' and many other possible questions.

Apparently, I was the fall asleep while writing this post. Never got to the conclusion. It is what it is. 

Recently, I think it is true that I have issues with attachment.

No reply, No assurance, No update, just give my ommpa lommpa restless. The feeling of not knowing and the waiting game hurts me.

This one person which I just knew.. Also give an impact to me. It's just felt that I have to know what happened, and are they doing ok. But, its not really about are they OK or not, it's just... I need to know the condition whether busy, free, got something, attend wedding, family time, or etc. 

I just felt ignored, if I didn't know. I mean, it feels like leftover, outsider. 

Apart from the waiting game, it only apply to certain people which I thought is important as I thought they be. I'm not gonna wait if I got a little update earlier. It satisfied my ommpa lommpa if I knew. 

Feeling ignored is the worst if it's by the person you care about. I'm not gonna say love cause it's gonna hurt a bit more. (crying silently) 

It's maybe true that I need a therapist for my issues. 

p/s: please don't let my heart hurt. If you not gonna give me the little update, do not make me wants it. Don't give me all the color in the rainbow if you only can give me the black and white.. |