No one perfect. including me. i am just a tiny human that trying to survive in this cruel world.

How and what can I do if I am keeping to feel guilty on myself. Is it feeling guilty..? I dont know either.

Just assume that feeling is a guilt and That feeling always. always eat me alive. always swing my mood. always sent the black cloud with lightning out of the blue. 

I cant live with this feeling everytime 'the lightning' strike. I'm gonna loose myself. I am not saying I am right. but am I wrong..? 

Sometimes, I dont know what's wrong with me. why cant I think about anything with clear mind... I guess I have to start exercise and do some training for my mental health. 

Whenever I felt the guilt. Overthinking wil come and make thing worse. There are times I think I let my Ego to do the speaking. and as everyone knows what happens when Ego take charge.

Along the way, I realise some points can trigger me. First, if I am too tired and lack of motivation on anything. 2nd, if its regarding what I like to do. 3rd, if I think they assuming things on what happens. 4th, not sure what, sometimes anything can b a trigger.

Please, I'm tired of this feeling, how can I stop feeling this way. I want to be happy and makes people happy, not the other way around.

I love all the people around me, I want to be this cool and chill person as I used to be. I think. 

As usual, I will have this episode of emotion breakdown. And this episode hit me hard.. but not really, it just enough making me wanted to cry.

This wil always. always happens if there is a miscommunication between others. I hate it so much when there is a moment when I know I'm hurting someone. regardless of direct or indirect action of mine.

When the moment passed, I will have this rage  inside me that saying 'what have you done!!'. Then, everything just fell apart.

Seems like I am still at failed on controlling the mood swing or the rush of emotion when I'm having one. I am just a failure.. I am the worst.. I don't know anything.. I can't even understand myself.

However, this shall pass as the usual way it is. and as for now.. i just want to be in my cave together with all my furbabies.. so, adios. astalavista.