It's been a while now.... I missed the moment. the feeling of togetherness. feeling of not being alone. i hope this is just a moment for some feeling to be felt and not something that i will crave later. although it felt like it. 

I hate it when I dont feel good about myself. Because I knew other things also affected. However, dont put the oil into the fire if you dont want the fire. put water instead. and some people just dont know how to just keep quiet.

Cant blame anyone cause the creature called homosapien never get enough. They never stop complaining and overthinking or worse.. presumption in anyway possible.

I dont like feeling like this. its tiring. its not that I choose to feel this way. give me space. give me moment. give me my time for me to digest things. I want some small amout of myself. Dont question why am I doing and not doing. 

Ask properly.. read the room. I am not teenager anymore. Am I wrong here? I couldn't have some moment of myself for me to just linger around. I've been thinking to get my own place. but... there is always a but. i dont want a 'but' when I am going to get myself of my own..

I love my cats. a lot. I've been spending more to my cats than anybody else. They give me clarity. They just want my love... They just want to cuddle.. They are innocent living creatures. I love them from back to the moon.

Things happened for a reason. Don't question why it happened just go with the flow. Things that happened might be giving you memories or something to learn from. Nothing is a waste. Take it although it is bitter than you can swallowed. everything in the mind..

Please be respectful towards other people's feeling and dont just assume things that yet to happen. If its happened, it happened. I will deal with it. if its not. just let it.

I feel very sleepy after writing this down. the rage feeling i felt also been tame down. I think I have to be writing to manage my inner rage that constantly come up without warning.

I just need to nap for 10 mins and I hope I will be okay after that. 

bye. 

It started on 21st March 2022. My sister having sort of symptoms such as sore throat and flu. We taught its a common flu because she always caught in flu sometimes. No one thought on the 'alien'.

On 22nd March 2022, I am going to work as usual and later in the afternoon, I got a text from my sister saying she is close contact for her sister in law. (she and her family always went to 'kampung' to visit the in laws on the weekend) 

Then, all of them went to pcr test. After a while the result mentioned positive for her and her husband, but not the kid.

So, we all are assuming the kid is free from the alien. Me, my dad and my mum took rtk test and everyone is negative. So, its decided that we will take care the kid until the parents finish quarantine. 

However, on the third day of quarantine the kid having mild fever and coughs. We gave him panadol for the fever. My sister advice to do rtk for him. I tried using lolipop kinda method but it failed. So the next day, I used diff method for the kid's rtk. After I successfully did the test, the result shows double line. 

There are so many puzzles on my head at that moment. How come he still got the alien.. the pcr should detect as early as it should be. but, then.. probably the kid haven't vaccine yet, so the symptoms went a bit late? or he got close contact from his parents? since the ct value of his parent quite low. maybe he got from them.. idk, but the case at that moment, the kid is positive. 

We all others got no symptom and already free as the rtk on day 3 is negative. But as the kid is with us since we are taking care of him, we are in the close contact status again. So we did the rtk again later that evening and turns out my dad also got double line..

As for now, only left me and my mom with single line. My head got additional puzzles and I just try my best to accommodate whoever quarantine.. The kid and my dad went upstairs together with other quarantine people. 

On Saturday (day 2 of 2nd close contact), I woke up. went to buy something for breakfast, then pasar minggu and mydin to buy groceries with my mum. Then, I clean the floor at kitchen and outside. In the evening, I went to laundry, to wash all the comforter that used by us few days back.

In the evening, i feel very tired and got a bit sore throat. Before having dinner, I did rtk with my mum and there is the fine double line for me... I feel devastated. I couldn't let my mum stay alone and prepare all the meal for us upstairs.. So, we decided. my mom to quarantine in the room and we will do all the things.

Soon at that night, everyone in the same floor again. all with mask on except the kid cause he cant stand on wearing mask. My dad walks around as if he didn't get infected. I told him dont go to mum's room cause you still day 3. The alien still actively running in the body.

My mum didn't say much and just wear her mask all around the house. at this time her rtk intake still single line. I am so proud of her.

Day by day goes by.. and my symptoms become a bit worse on the caughing. So, I decided to lock myself in the room. just go to the kitchen to take food and then isolate myself in the room again.. I cant think that much cause I feel very tired all the time. The one I worry about is my mom. 

On the i dont know how many days it has been, my mum rtk still single line. I am happy. I hope she will just stay as single line always. 

However, on my 5th day of being positive, my mum rtk shows a fine double line. I am devastated again. I really hope she is free and she can join the tadarus for Ramadhan as she mentioned before. 

As my mum didn't have any work to go to and she will not going anywhere, so, we just monitor her at home. where she can be as comfortable as she can. On the same day, got a news that my brother which is at his own house also got double line for the rtk. Today is day one for my brother and my mum. Hopefully we all can recovered from this unwanted invaders.

Ya Allah.... if this is a test for our family, help us to go through it and makes us accept this and be nearer to You. Ramadhan is near and hopefully this is a blessed for us all. 

Everything will be fine. I put all my family in Your hand, help us, guide us, and make us patience to go through this. Thank you Ya Allah. Only You is the best place for me to talk too.

I feel so much better now after writing it out. 

I dont know what is happening inside me. i suddenly become self annoyed and everything become wrong. I am trying not to be angry and trying so hard to figure out why am i behaving that way. i have no idea. and again.. i am hurting the person i love. i am very frustated with myself and I know am always not good enough.. some people say, outrage kid is because lack of love. am i that? but as i know. i am loved enough with all my surrounding. its just there are something bothering me. which i also didnt know what is it.

maybe, its my fault after all..

Sometimes.. people are selfish. its not directly show that he or she was selfish, but its just indirectly. If you known this person, they will always talk about something or someone. Then, they will give their own opinion on what, how, why of that situation. Later they didnt realize... they are doing the same thing that they 'commenting' to somebody else... so, for me.... we are just the same. and karma does exist. what comes around, goes around...sq

Hello there,

I just want to write something that is inside my brain. My ommpa lommpa might found this thing locked somewhere while doing some maintenance in the brain. They found it at the corner and a bit dusty on top.

That is my feeling which i locked in the pandora box. Feeling is the most scary things in the world yet the most beautiful things ever... I locked it because i dont want to get involve in any feeling's matter. Its tiring for my mental and emotion.

I am an enginner and my work is more to solve the problem. although the problem is not mine. I have to solve it so that i can move on. However, it depends on how the person with that problem take my advise.. Sometimes, I will feel frustrated and useless if i cant do anything to fix or solve the problem.. Although actually that person did not really need an advise. they just need a channel to potray their feeling and the channel is me..

I am okay to be someone's channel. but sometimes, I also need my own channel for me to potray my feeling.. and I dont have that now...

Hello there.. anyone. especially you, my honey bee.. 😚

Suddenly I feel that I need to blog this thing. Before I forgot all the details. ahahaha.. 😁

This post is about that demanding lady from KL. Remember her..? ahahha.. I bet you do. 😂😂 Okay. here we go.

Since that day, she lives in that house alone 👀. No one wants to accompany her because of what she did and other factor as well as security, traffic jam and that place itself looks spooky. 💁

So last month, my two friends.. are helping hand to find a different place, which is less spooky, feels a lot like home 🏠, and also near to their office 🏢. Since they are in the same section, and these two also need a place to stay or crash because both of their houses are too far from the office 😧.

Then, after tired of waiting 😥, just last week the new proposed apartment has been approved 😊. Here, the drama begins. ahahaha... 😂.

Lets go back to that demand lady. After she knew that apartment has been approved and she got the key, she already started her demand list 📝.

💥First, she wanted to ask driver to help her to move the washing machine from inside to outside of the house. 😩 (someone said to her we can move it by ourselves, its not that hard...)
💥Second, she did asked about microwave and pot or cooker from our admin. admin said no.. cant demand more. (there is a stove already been provided, just buy a simple pot to cook then.. 😧)
💥Third, she mentioned that there is no place to hang a cloth outside the house such as the place to do your laundry👗. (you are an engineer, think! i feel ashamed being an engineer bcoz of her.. 😬)
💥Fourth, she complaint about the tv... 📺 she said that the screen is smaller then her pc monitor..💻!!!! What?? what???? 😲 omg...!! I had enough! 😤

I cant stand with her demand's list anymore😷. I think if no one asked her to shut... the list will be longer and become more ridiculous! 😨. What the heck man.. why.. why you need to behave like this. I am emotionally tired💆.

STOP DEMANDING!!! 😫. That house is perfect already. very near to the office 🌇, there is no more spooky sound 👂, the security is okay🔐, the house is fully furnished since all the basic appliances are there.. 🏣 what else do you want..!😓 maigad! can you sit for a minute, take a deep breath and just be grateful for what has been provided. not to find what else is not in there and complaint. 😵... jeeeezz... 😬

Enough is enough. please be more matured and think how to survive, not to be survived.. 😶 Life is sometimes unfair but that is life. If life is fair, there is nothing to achieve and strive... 😏

Okay... That is a long post.. I cant write it any longer cause I might puke by myself on thinking of this drama 😷..

Good night b. Hope you enjoy reading my miserable drama.

your beloved 🍎..